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flyingpurplepeopleater
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Name: bethany
Birthday: 3/22/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: i love walking in the rain. i love nighttime. i love winter, cold weather, and cuddling up during it. i love fireplaces and blankets and good books like pride and prejudice. i love that i am on a first name basis with the Creator of the entire universe. i love that that same Creator is my father, friend, love, and life....may i give Him my all. i love the journey of life and the people, places and things that go with it. i love laughing...i love chocolate. i absolutely love ice cream. i love traveling and road trips. i love people...and watching them. i really honestly love life...so there you have it then.
Expertise: hmm....laughing.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  hiseyes22
Member Since:
7/19/2005
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| what is the definition of a "friend"? a "true" friend? is that an entirely different definition? a "best" friend?? what is a friend? what is it to have a true friend? what does it look like, to be a friend? i don't know. and i don't seem to have it currently. but i've heard about it, i think. sometimes i feel like i used to know....maybe i had it once. but i do not have it now... i lost it, somehow? will it ever come back, will i see it again? who knows. hope this isn't how it ends. | | |
| "God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they. For to which of the angels did He ever say, "YOU ARE MY SON, TODAY I HAVE BEGOTTEN YOU"? And again,"I WILL BE A FATHER TO HIM AND HE SHALL BE A SON TO ME"? (Hebrews 1) "Our hearts were bound up with this child; we felt he was our earthly all, our only source of innocent recreation in this heathen land. But God saw it was necessary to remind us of our error, and to strip us of our only little all. O, may it not be vain that he has done it. May we so improve it that he will stay his hand and say "it is enough." -Ann Judson who am i? | | |
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I just want to go back to 8th grade.
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| "My Love Hasn't Grown Cold" -bethany dillon
You shake your head
What is so hard to believe?
When you are in your bed
I sing over you the sweetest things
Because oh, my love does not tire
I'm awake when the moon is full
And I know the times when you feel lost
And you just aren't sure
Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you
You cold steal away in the middle of the night
And hide in the light of day
While you cloak yourself in the darkest lies
But oh my love, it swims in the deepest oceans of fear
And as soon as you lower your head
I am here
Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you
If only you could see
How heaven stills when you speak
I know all your days
And I have wrapped you in mystery
And oh, my love for you
Is as wide as the galaxies
Just hold out your hand and close your eyes
And come be with me
Lo and behold
My love hasn't grown cold
For you
how do i not see that He has the best planned for me? why am i blinded so many times by "problems" in my life that seem to be uncontrollable and overwhelming..He knows exactly what He has planned for me. He "knows all my days" - when i wake and when i sleep, when i cry out with a hurting soul and when i find joy in the smallest things, and He has "wrapped me in mystery" -- HE is the ONLY one who knows my future! He is the only one who knows where i will be in one year, who my closest friends will be, who i will fall in love with someday, how it will all end, how much i will grow and learn, how many things i will miss because of my stubbornness and pride.
so why do i doubt Him so much? why do i think that my plan - my fleshly desires for this worldly life of mine - will pan out to be better than what HE has created for me? why would i think my ideas and plots greater than the only one who knows reality? the only one who knows ME. how could i be so foolish.
Lord, let me trust you. help me to believe in you. do not let me forget your great love and passion for me...let me be all you desire of me, Lord.
-be.
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| woah, dude. it's been a long time since i've been on here!! xanga is totally different now...it took me a few minutes to even figure out how to post anything! hah.
so xanga is just like life, then. CHANGING. everything is CHANGING right now.
i was nervous and excited about this summer.
now, i am terrified about some things, anticipating other things, anxious about certain things, nervous, excited, scared, worried....there is one issue in particular that is racing through my mind, of which i won't really go into detail here. but...i will just say that lately, things have been CHANGING.
i have realized, too, that in the process of change, i hate CHANGING.
i don't like it at all. especially when things seemed to be going so well...everything was great, i thought. then the summer. the summer came, and now everything has and is quickly CHANGING. people are thinking differently...CHANGING. my thoughts are still grounded on some sides, and yet CHANGING in others. i am growing, and having to decide things for myself...and it is hard. so far since i have been out of school, that is what the summer is to me: hard. but then, of course, today my father gave a sermon on the value of trials and tests, and how they produce strength and endurance. [he would.] he spoke from James 1:1-13.....it was good. verse 6 really caught me, though, as i was reading over the scripture later. there it says,
"but he must ask in faith without any doubting..."
there is so much doubt inside me right now.
so much worry, so much fear....anxiousness and timidity, a scared feeling and uncertainty....what do i do? how do i handle this??
in a situation where you care so deeply about someone and agree with their thoughts, but then care deeply for others and do not so necessarily agree with their thoughts...what do you do? if you feel you are right, but then others that you know are wise and God-led/minded are telling you you could be wrong....what do you do? who do you trust? if you have a peace from the Lord, and their peace is on the opposite side...do you trust yourself? or is that dangerous? should you rather trust those who are wiser and more mature, and just hate the consequences? i am so confused about all this right now.
[by the way i just typed all that out, i'm sure you are too...]
that is what i love (and miss) about xanga. i am free to express myself. free to write out my fear and worry, or my excitement, my fury, my joy, my frustrations....anything. i am free to say and speak what i feel. i should get on here more often. hah.
i hope not many people read all of this. i am sure it was long and confusing...oh, but it was a wonderful outlet for me. i am still so confused. i don't have any clue what to do, beyond what little i have tried to do so far. so...i will live. one day at a time, trusting that He will show me what is right. trusting...trusting..
trusting seems to be the hardest thing to do at times.
"....we felt he was our earthly all, our only source of innocent recreation in this heathen land.
But God saw it was necessary to remind us of our error, and to strip us of our only little all.
O, may it not be vain that he has done it.
May we so improve it that he will stay his hand and say "it is enough."
--Ann Judson
i re-read my last post....that quote is still so moving to me. does it apply to my current situation? i dearly hope not. i am not ready to bear that...not now. not yet. hopefully, never. everything is CHANGING....trusting in the midst of CHANGING....oh what a task He calls us to.
one day at a time.
may i learn to trust in Him...
one day at a time.
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